I got Baptized in May 2011, Ever since I have been running away from God. I have no real reason why I did not want to submit to God, except for the fact the I use to Idolize worldly things. I just felt like living for the world was easier, we didn’t have any rules or Commandments to follow. Living for God means we as Christians have to be an example and follow the Ten Commandments, which can be found in Exodus 20: 1-17. We have to stay as pure as possible and serving the world on the other hand is like ” let me see how much I can sin and still get to Heaven”. I was that person because I was going to sin regardless, and ask God for forgiveness right after. Every time I sinned I was convicted, I know that because I would feel dead inside like God has left my side.

I was okay with that for a while because God forgives but couple months ago something changed. I was convicted and for some reason I was fed up with how I was feeling inside so I decided to make a change in my life. I became so hungry for God, It’s like I had to be reading the word of God every chance I get. I feel like I was pushed to change my ways and start acting like a woman of God because this guy at my Church I was really interested in, He unfried me on Snap because What I was posting on Snap was fairly inappropriate for someone who is saved or crying at the Altar most Sundays. I feel like because I was so focus on pleasing the world, I lost sight of my worth and value. I was after man who did not know who they were, in the club every weekend, sleeping around with females, drink like no tomorrow and the list goes on. So I completely understand why he probably lost interest in me because I probably had characteristics of those man in me, even though I was not doing half of the things they were doing. 1 Con 15:33 says “Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good morals.”  

The way I was I do not think any good Christian man in their right mind would approach me. It was terrible and disgusting. I know I had to go through that because for the longest I believed I could be lukewarm and God would still send me one of his sons. Negative, God will not put someone in your life if you’re not ready. I was not ready and I’m still not ready.  We need to seek God to make us whole, find our worth, know our value, learn how to love ourselves and find our inner happiness before we can tie our soul to someone else. We actually ruin other people if we don’t have these things in our heart. My focus right now is to get to know God more and spend more time with Him, I am not dating or talking to anyone what so ever. Nobody interest me anymore, I don’t have time to entertain temporary situations. I have never been so alone but I do not feel lonely. I literally do not go out unless it’s for work or the store. I feel like I need my alone time more than ever.